Masterbate

This blog was written just for fun, some of you might be doing it, but don’t be offended. Learn to laugh at yourself. 

Some people complain that it’s a sad world to live in. We have all kinds of people, some might be bad, some might be good, some might be intelligent, a few might be retarded. If you really want to live a happy life, you have to observe things around you. If you carefully look beyond something; you will realize the humor in it. The only common thing between all of us is we think we’re unique. We want to be different. We want to impress.

The other thing we all have in common might be Facebook. We spend a considerable amount of time browsing, chatting and flirting in Facebook. In real life, some people try to impress others by being different, thus when it comes to social network, they continue being the same.For an example, Indian girls must pierce their ears. But then to look different they start piercing all over their ears. Then they pierce the nose, eye brows, tongue, lips, navel, and clit. The problem is, not all look good pierced, some end up looking like sluts.

For Indian guys, there is this funny shit going on around, some guys are actually wearing a type of shoe. This shoe comes with shin pad, as you can see below. Can you imagine how our normal Indian machas will look like with these shoes?

Similarly, some people in order to impress the rest, end up looking like a retard in social networks.I just want to share with you some personal experiences, and things that I think is unnecessarily being done when it comes to Facebook.

Condolences

Rest in Peace @TagTheDeadPersonNameHere .

I just want to let you guys know that, once you’re dead, you won’t be able to check your Facebook. Maybe some of you do not know this, but yes, you can’t check any shit once you’re dead. I think that really explains why you should not tag a dead person. Don’t post up some sentimental shit in the wall craving for attention from the rest of your friends, if you really love him always then go lie down inside the coffin with him.

 

Cam and Tag

This is getting pretty popular lately. The tactic is simple, take a picture of yourself, design it using some colorful words, upload to Facebook then tag all your friends in it. They in return will comment that your picture looks nice, so on and so forth.

And the more comment they get, the more aroused they will be and finally at the end of the day they will reach climax and drop dead.

 

TAlKiNg LiKe ThIs

There is a bunch of new retards in Facebook , who TaLkS LiKe tHiS. I’ve been seriously thinking day and night on how all this started, and why so many are being influenced to type in such a way that will make it harder for other to read it.

Lately, I’ve noticed a major new cult group in Facebook, where they talk in such a way that it is hard to decipher what they’re trying to say. They’ve found a new way to communicate with each other, and breaking the code is no easy task. For a person with low average IQ like me, it can take days to decipher and fully understand the meaning of their shout out. I’m going to show you some of it, and let you deal with it yourself.

 

Lack of Attention

Above was an exact example I took and edited into my shout-out.

Grow up kids.

If you want to fight with someone, take it offline. What is the fucking point posting a shout out to your enemies when they’re not even in your friends list? I perfectly understand your point that you want as many pussies to be impressed with your daringness, but seriously, nowadays chicks don’t get impressed with that shit anymore.Stop fighting using your keyboard.  Some-more sometimes got spelling error all, haiyo, padayappaaaa…

 

Overwhelming Confidence

I like people with confidence. I hate people with overconfidence. They can simply be too annoying. Some of the funniest shit you can see in Facebook is how people think that they’re very famous. When you think you’re famous, then you will start doing some shit that you’ll never do otherwise. But some just for the sake of wanting to attract attention and be famous, coupled with overwhelming confidence, will end up telling some of the funniest shit you’ll ever hear in your life. Take a look.

If you’re ugly and you know it, you should never do something like above. And fucking learn how to spell masturbate right… According to online sources,”masterbating” is  a common mispelling of “masturbation” used by retarded twelve year olds who are neglected by their parents and listen to Linkin’ Park.

I’ll end this with a shout out to all the guys who had been poking me recently in Facebook; poking in Facebook , especially if a guy is poking another guy, looks kind of disgusting. Please leave my ass me alone.


78 comments to Masterbate

  • Yogeswary

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Good one Sk….:)

  • Mugilan

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    i found it hard to decipher the “TAlKiNg LiKe ThIs” part.. Maybe i’m having a below average IQ level. =P

  • Mugilan

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    Anyway, another good post yet again. =)

  • Shakti802

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    hahaha…nicely categorised!

    btw, regarding the shoes>> ithu fehshenn laa…hehe

    the tagging>>hmm…i’d say it’s kind off an online eulogy…atleast that boleh kan…since if u might nt get the chance to pay ur last respects to the deceased..

    cam and tag>> i’m guilty of that…but mine is more photography based…bukan tunjuk editing talent.. :P

    talking like this/lack of attention/overwhelming confidence>> immature kids…just have to ignore…that’s the best thing u can do la :)
    btw, hw shud i address u…since u sound disappointed when the gals call u anneh…and i dont think i am old enough to call u by name as well…

    cheers
    ~shakti~

  • sensor

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Nice article bro. :)

  • Wyrez

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +10

    “And the more comment they get, the more aroused they will be and finally at the end of the day they will reach climax and drop dead” – This got me rolling with laughter. Good job dude. This blog is another “mesterpiece”…

  • M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +8

    Rofl-ing.. it gave the much needed break,but kannaaa not LP la.. its one damn awesome band..!

  • Thumb up Thumb down +1

    TAlKiNg LiKe ThIs, more mentals are out there in FB than the ones confined in Hospital Bahagia.

  • SunTannedSuperman_v2.0

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

    What wrong did Linkin Park do? :(

    Those retards are Lil Wayne fans :D

  • Justanother20yroldguy

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    bro, you are right…people with low IQ like us can never break the code..i gave up half way T T
    and i did check out the “twinkle twinkle little star” guy’s profile and i puked right after…. he is a self-worshiping, attention seeking whore. never thought a guy would name himself “twinkle star”
    and i did LMFAO!
    and for the girl with ‘Overwhelming Confidence’..all i did was.. http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/square/000/004/029/disgusted-mother-of-god.png?1321274134
    great post! made my night!

  • Thumb up Thumb down 0

    FB analyst ta bro nennga… :))
    Another humorous n good one..

  • Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Haiyo, padayappaaaa… wHy yOu TaLkiNg LiKe tHiS?? wHy ThiS KoLavErI? you should go online [n] download more pictures! good article Tan Sri! :)

  • celeano

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    since uve mentioned, im gonna poke u now bro! haha

  • Private Daisy

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    Lol!! Good one!! I aLsO dOnT KnOw WhY tHeY tAlK lIkE tHiS!!!
    Took me 5mins to type that out…fml.

  • Prasad

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Many youngsters today are trying to be different by TaLkS LiKe tHiS which in fact makes it difficult to read their comments. I wonder if they have anything behind this typing syndrome.. Anyway, its an awesome article to have fun with…

  • Sashikumar Muniandy

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    TAlKiNg LiKe ThIs —> seriously cant figure out what they’re talking la bro…im very much below average IQ level~

  • IamNot ThatGirl

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Finally, I have proof that I’m not the only one annoyed by these. Interesting article. :)

  • mama jama chumma (Kicik punya)

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    Valid points, bro !!

    I used to think that people who always update their FB status (eg. “just had my dinner”, “went shopping with my gf”, “screw my boss, colleagues, friends, enemy etc.”) are perpetual attention seekers. At least now I know, there are people who thinks the same way..cheers, bro !

  • skmrn

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Short, simple and effective article bro! Straight to the point. :)

  • Secrecy

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    kuttratei kandu’puthitte peyer vangum pulavar’galum irukirargal inthe ulagathille…!!! =P

  • Shax

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    haha..i just super LOL-ed at this whole article.Thing is watever u wrote above is so true. The TaLk LiKe ThIs shyt got me all messed up in my brain core. but it was totally disgusting how the guy is like calling his ‘SO CALLED’ sister CHeLLoW and saying LoVeeYuI..i mean i would nt want my brother calling me that.she seems like a DESPERADO RETARDO n hez being a JERK ass!!..above all..hope this article getz into all those wanabez out there as well as those desperados. Cheers

  • Geetha

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    hilarious !! had personal exp with ‘TaLkIng like this’ (cant stand to even finish typing the first word !! wonder how they do it..)..is thr any software whatsoever to type that way ?? the best thing they can write a whole paragraph like that…rofl.

  • Geetha

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    hilarious !! had personal exp with ‘TaLkIng like this’ kind of guys (cant stand to even finish typing the first word !! wonder how they do it..)..is thr any software whatsoever to type that way ?? the best thing they can write a whole paragraph like that…rofl…tak de kerja betul…

  • Ash

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    LOL! Good write up Durai! Especially love this ” to all the guys who had been poking me recently in Facebook; poking in Facebook , especially if a guy is poking another guy, looks kind of disgusting. Please leave my ass me alone.”

    NICE!

  • Thumb up Thumb down +1

    Durai, another ‘clever’ abbreviation is cum vs come..

  • neuro nimal

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    nalla iruntha cheri.illana sorry…its difficult then ma anatomy!

  • Vivek

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +12

    *Pokes Durai*

    (Running away like hell after doing that)

  • jamuna

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Hahahahaha , that was hilarious.

    And the fact the girl posted the last post, she has got to b a complete dumb to do so. As it is ppl are misusing your pictures, and top of that, you need to broadcast that message to the entire world? Smart – she is not

  • sugardaddy

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    article served its purpose. i laughed and felt glad there are haters like me who cant stand facebook idiocy.

  • rennuka

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    hahahaha… good one bro!! ^_^ recently i chatted with someone who was TaLk!n L!Ke tH!s…. as you all can see, that psycho used ‘!’ instead of ‘i’ for each and every word he/she typed..duh.. i gave up chatting with that person within 5minutes..

  • Shri Saundarajan

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Durai,
    Good one, especially facts about writing it upside down; hard to interpret, spelling errors and fucked up comments in FB! Straight to the points for some users.
    But, to read this article as a blog – it’s kinda not organised. Starting with shin pads (shoes), cam photos, usage of alphabetical then out of sudden – types of comments/shout outs in FB. These points are irrelevant to each other and doesn’t sound a perfect blog. And what’s up with poking you in FB ? You should be telling that in FB instead of ‘shouting’ here at the bloggers.

    • Shri Saundarajan

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      *…instead of ‘shouting’ here at the readers and other bloggers..

      • Durai

        M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +7

        Bro, The blog speaks about how some are trying to impress others but end up looking all wrong. Shin pads , piercing for girls and so on talks about real life incidents, while the rest (cam photos, usage of alphabetical then out of sudden – types of comments/shout outs in FB) are virtual incidents . In fact you’ve not noticed this liner “I just want to share with you some personal experiences, and things that I think is unnecessarily being done when it comes to Facebook.” All the situations are related to each other under the theme of the previous liner.

        All the new people who add me are readers of this blog. Instead of adding me, this guys are poking me. In case you’re unaware, people can’t see your ‘shoutout’ in FB unless they’re your friends.At least not mine. So there won’t be any point ‘shouting’ in FB, plus since this is my personal space as well, I think it’s appropriate that I get the rights to ‘shout’ here as well. :)

  • basil

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    so you have someone who wants to…err… ” break your face, SUCK YOUR DICK, and eat your balls????”

    that’s some weird fantasy man…you better be careful…that’s worse than gettin poked by guys in fb…

    anyways, awesome post!!! im so sick and tired of these weird code languages and overexcited kids with the AS Syndrome…get a life, people…

  • Budak Kampung Tak Tau English

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

    I messaged this guy, AC Twinkle Shine with all the bad words ( * include dictionaries from : China, Brazil, Spanish, Africa, India, Pluto and Mars ) I could ever think of.

    When someone told me abt him, I was like, this must be another dumbass finding popularity in FB. But guess what, I was amazed by his stupidity, his self-claimed Chimbu style, his language, his love towards his guy friends and for what the FARK in the world , I read that someone says his voice is like Simbu too!! Yenda, ore arive illa unakke ? Seriyana mattiplug da nee…

    Tamill-um unakke varathe, English-um unakke varele, appe enna hair-ke nee inthe mathiri pannere ? :S Womaigod, ithe ketkerethekke Ramarajan illeya ? :(

    Undoubtly, AC Twinkle Shine is the biggest dumbfuck in da galaxy… Enna kodume sar ithe! :S

    • Shakti802

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      haha..
      i like this statement >> Tamill-um unakke varathe, English-um unakke varele, appe enna hair-ke nee inthe mathiri pannere ? :S Womaigod, ithe ketkerethekke Ramarajan illeya

      boss, Ramarajan ithe ketaaru na heart attack’eh vanthurum :P

      • Budak Kampung Tak Tau English

        Thumb up Thumb down +1

        hahahhaaha.. Athe ketthalum parevale bro, inthe Simbu kambu thambi Goundamani kaiyile matthena, setthan!! :D

        • Shakti802

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          hehehe…im a gal la boss :P
          yes yes, i agree…i thought after VTV, Simbhu wud have thiruntharen…
          but looks like he started his dialogue velai again -_-‘

          oh my kadavule, 10 pearukku nallathu seyravangaleh vazhe vidame intha maathri 1000 pearu torture panravangale vazhe viduringale… :P

    • Sheila

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      I saw AC Twinkle Shine (what a name for a guy!@#$%^&) pictures just now. I’m so pissed seeing a picture of his slashed hand for his so-called love ‘Kalega’ (another dumb name). And he has 84 “Likes” for it!!! What the…. A person cutting his hand and posting it in FB and he has 84 ppl liking that picture. Enna Valke da ithu!!! Him posting that sick picture is already ridiculous, but it’s a real ‘eyesore’ seeing the comments below it… Real DUMBF***s!! And he claims he is Simbu centre’z head. LEADER!!! Seriously!! And the best part he has over 2000+ friends in his FB… Kalah Simbhu!!

      • Budak Kampung Tak Tau English

        Thumb up Thumb down +2

        Each of his pics has more than 30 likes! And I really wonder if other ppl in his list doesn’t even feel weird having this psycho and looking at his posts, pics and terrible rantings ? :S

        And Kalega, kadavule… I think this kambu boy gave her that name while he was going for number 2 :p

        P/s : Nasa was planning to send some monkeys to experiment in Mars.. I just emailed them to substitute those poor monkeys and send this Twinkle guy n his lame friends instead :D

    • Thumb up Thumb down +1

      “Tamill-um unakke varathe, English-um unakke varele, appe enna hair-ke nee inthe mathiri pannere ? :S Womaigod, ithe ketkerethekke Ramarajan illeya ? ”

      hahahahahaha!!!! mudiyilea joee….CLASSIC.

  • Zero to Hero

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    awesome post bro! just nice. ” I perfectly understand your point that you want as many pussies to be impressed with your daringness” haha..that made me laugh like hell!! keep it up :)

  • S.A.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    I had good LOL! felt like i lost 5 Kgs.. hehe.. keep posting more of these and i ll be super slim in no time! hehe

    Another thing that I can’t tolerate in FB :-
    Girl uploads a picture of her, which she took on her own(most probably in her bathroom.. no idea why), with full make-up on, pouting lips, barely there clothes and photo’s caption will be : “I am so ugly”

    If you know you are ugly, why the hell do you upload the picture? And scare the shit out of us!

    There are some exceptional cases where their photo caption will be “Pretty”, “Gorgeous” etc… Good for them!

  • Asvini

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Now that’s what I call hilarity epitome. I think the guy who told her that he masturbates to her photos spelled it in such a way, that akka who most probably heard it the first time in her whole life spelled it likewise too… What a pity in the city

  • vardhana

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    facebook warriors-kum/ keyboard warriors-kum samarpanam..=)

  • Anonymous

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    this is the first time im reading your blog, and you have awesome talent to write, that is undeniable!

  • Mathumieka

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    mungkintepukandibahuitubukannyadariyangditunggu*masihbertelekumengiratitistitishujandanlilinditanganyangkebasahanapinyaberselerakan*

    p/s: Copied this piece of shit from an alien’s wall, now this literally pissed me off!!!

  • Kasvini

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    hahahahhah…. hahahahha… okay… hahaha.. I can’t stop laughing. well, at the end of the day, I just think: ” Whatever makes people happy..”

  • Vboss

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Hie there,
    I am very new to this blog.. But what amused me truly, are the sarcastic articles… and go for it author..

    What made me laugh my arse off was the – Lack of Attention section… He cursed and threatened to disfigure another persons face ..and plus the added advantage in it.. he would perform an oral orgy as well together, what a package deal… haha… cheers guys.. and thumbs up author!!

  • pratha

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    hahahahahahahhahaha

  • M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

    Haha good one! Facebook pathhi pesunomna pesikittte polam bro.

    Also, last but not least, the following type of girls should really be given a hell lots of attention bro, those girls who would love to post “I’m quitting Facebook!”, “Ok guys, I am closing down my Facebook” from time to time just to get attention from all the other dickheads.

    Oru rendu munne mairandingge comment poduvangge “don’t da, don’t close da” nu, odenne anthe pillai ku manasu mariromma.. “Ok guys, I’m not closing down my account.. Yippieee! :)” ..Kandalle..

  • OG

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    ThIs Is HilariOus!AnOther GeMpak pOst fRoM yoU..OK i give up.This is very exhausting,seriously.

    This post really made my day.Thanks to you Tan Sri :D

  • PD

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA! I was laughing my ass off reading everything! It’s all so true especially the weird annoying typing part! Good job!

  • YoungRagedIndian

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    hahaha……nice one bro……btw……I have one of those shoes………I know it looks kindda ridiculous…….but, It is quite comfortable……you should get yourself one…. :)

  • a raj sharmelan

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    its really a gud post…i appreciated reading this…but regarding the dead person…i have had the same tought once…but look backward to our old times…when something happening in our house for example a wedding mayb simple xmaple like a girl reaches her age…the elderly people might hang out smthing infront their hse to indicate that smthing is going on in that hse…this will gv an impression to other people on haow to handl;e the situation next…mayb a person who are looking for a girl to get married will take the situation as a sign to him…the same situation goes here…the tagging rip it doesnt apply for the dead person…its just as a indication to show oth people what had happened…not just tat…think again…why we would ever do a rituals for the deceased ??? its just like a prayers that the deceased will rip wherever they go aftremath…we tend to inform people about the thing happened by fb…all the people who saw the post will b praying for the deceased and its a same situation ther…

  • calvin singh

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    LOL speechless

  • danny

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    this article is “MAstERpIece”” … lol .. now you break that code !!

    Well.. LP is one of my fav band macha !! i would understand if they spelled with an extra “a” …that sounds more like goundamani fan …

  • Arman

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Dear Readers !

    Greetings and Good Day to you!

    Posting a dead photo is not a wrong. It is not because of love of what..otherwise …why do we need to keep the person’s death photo at home? Throwing off. We recall them , they were with us . they lived with us , always in our memory…pay salute and let them R.I.P.It is all depends on individual, how do you take it….life is a cycle…just follow the flow in a smooth way..there are many things around us. Think about it no point spending time for silly matter..This is my general opinion. Reader , you don’t have to email me if these words hurt you. However …this is fact.

  • Kumaran Vealam

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    well said bro… facebooks has many drama artist…hope ur message spreads n at least those nut heads realize their childishness….

  • vivek

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    Dear admin .. juz wanna ask smth about the twinkle shine .. as i was checking out his profile , i realised smth … he writes like that to both girls and boys .. he calls his boyfriend “CyAnK” also .. maybe he is transgender .. or is he a gay?? please clarify .. thank you
    -rageindian fan

    @sathiyema therile bro…anthe payepuleh straight ah ille sappi ah ne..

  • suriashni

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    woww!!simply awesome..hatsoff to all your articles..good luck(=

  • Hema

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    totally agree with you, how FB is being used to draw attention. i suppose it has become a ‘sick’ phenomenon. probably it some kinda psychological disorder (inferiority complex maybe) that needs serious consideration. i’m just wondering…’OnLY gOD KnOwS’…do they keep their one finger at the shift key all the time…gosh…i struggled with that!

  • Divya

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Hahaha! High Five! There are many more actually. Creating a page for a dead person, and asking people to like it, and all unknown strangers will post condolences, mourn there, plus getting curious about what happened. Ithellam nammakku theveiya facebook leh?? I have friends who don’t reply to calls and messages, but then could see them hyper updating Facebook. And then they tell us, “I was busy. Sorry cha!” Hahaha. It has been studied, that online users spending time on Facebook at the expense of other daily activities most probably suffering a FB addiction disorder. Kakakaka

    Apart from half-naked man who can’t find better way to display their packs, I’m looking at a lot of girls taking many different shots of themselves and posting them. Just go hit “Profile Pictures” album or “It’s me” album (LOL), same face, different solo pose. Despite the reminders about being careful of what you post in FB, would they listen ?

    Facebook junkies are acing more online than in real life. I can pretty much see that. I can say a boy was a nobody during schooling times, but in Facebook? Whoaaaa!! All of sudden fans springing here and there!! kekekeke. Whatever it is, you can pretty much tell the level of maturity and addiction in a person by looking at how they use their Facebook.I think I used Facebook for 3 years, and now I have deactivated it because I either have no time or no intention to entertain myself to some foolishness including the ones WhO t@lK lIk3 tHi$!! haha

    Life is much more wonderful after that. =D

  • neuro nimal

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    saniyan pudichathungela…veriya than irku…

  • Norm

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    have you ever read how Malays writ post and comment in abbreviation in their Facebook? –damn, lagi complex to decipher, haha

  • Gundu Puchi

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Nice one!! I totally agree with you on this FB post…..People waste time a lot using Facebook and other’s people time too…… THATS WHY I CLOSED MY FB ACCOUNT!!! and Im glad I did so, never regret it till now!

  • John Doe

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    “I’ll break ur face, suck ur dick n eat ur balls”…is it me, or does this sentence jz isn’t right…LOL

x

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