What if she’s pariah?

Thappe ya, anthe mathiri mudiyathe. Avengge vereh.

Its wrong ayya, we can’t do that. They’re different.

I was talking to my mom the other day about a very interesting topic when suddenly my grandmother (who is chilling at our home for time being) interrupted and said the above. I stopped, and then knew that now I have someone even harder to debate with.

I asked her what’s so wrong about it.

“Athe thappe ya, apdi mudiyathe”

“It’s wrong, you can’t do that”

“Anah, yen patti thappe, avengge yenna thappe pananggeh? Yen avenggele othiki vekenem?”

“But grandma, what harm have they done? Why do we have to isolate them?”

My grandmother went on explaining that nobody is isolating them but they won’t be suitable to mix with our family, particularly through marriage. I went on pressing her how it can be right to isolate and cast away someone just because of his caste. I was shocked that after all this years, I didn’t even realize my own grandmother had been a staunch believer that caste is an important criteria in choosing someone to be part of my family.

I said I can’t accept her opinion because I don’t even grow up finding out about others caste before mixing with them. What if we ‘accidentally’ fall in love with them and they happen to be from lower caste? I said if I fall in love with a girl from the lowest caste of all, I will still marry her against the family.

She concluded her opinion easily. This was exactly what she said.

“Nee yenna venalum seyeh, anah na poneh peregeh seyyi.”

“Do what you want, but do it after my death”

And she went on trapping me.

“Japan karenegehle pethi nee yenna nenekireh?”

“What do you think about Japanese?”

I replied saying they’re very hardworking people with good sense of humor, and is way more advanced than us in terms of technology and innovation.

She replied.

“Na pathe Japan karenegehleh nee patherinthena , apdi nee nenekehmathe. En kudeh porenthevegeleh kodumeh panni konethanengge, nangge patte kasthem konjem nanjem ileh ya. Apdi than jathi yum, nangge jathiyeh pakeretheke arthem iruke, nangge valenthe sulnele anthe kalethele apdi.”

“If you’ve seen the Japanese that I’ve seen, you won’t be thinking like that. My sibling was tortured and killed by them, what we went through was not easy. It’s the same with caste, there is a reason why we’re scrutinizing on caste, it’s the way we grow up.”

The Japanese according to me:
The Japanese according to my grandma:

Fucked.

You see, at the rate we the Indians are falling in love nowadays, there is no way anyone is actually looking after the partners caste before deciding to sleep to couple with him. How many of you actually ask for your partner’s caste before you decide to couple with him?

None.

But when it comes to marriage there had been numerous cases where the lovers gets separated because one of them might be from a lower caste particularly pariah caste. This is happening in Malaysia, in a place where we the Indians are trumpeting that we don’t treat people according to creed and caste. All of you Machans go on telling others that we should not reject someone because of their caste and your love is beyond caste. But when your parents are against it because the family of the girl is actually from a lower caste, you nod in agreement and the chick that trusted and slept with you get fucked out.

—————————————-

Thenmoly was shocked, after all this years of being in a relationship and close to being married to the guy who promised her happiness; she was dumped. There were no arguments between them and they were happy to be in the company of each other. Their plan was to get engaged in a few months time, and then it came.

Her father in law told her that her ‘jathegem‘(astrology) did not match with that of his son, and if his son is going to marry Thenmoly, then his son will die. Of course, one local neighborhood Samiyar made all the difference. According to his calculations, the guy will die if he is going to marry Thenmoly. So the father decided that they should not get married.

The guy listened to his father without even speaking against it, and decided to dump Thenmoly. She has trusted the guy and even end up sleeping with him thinking that she is so close to marrying him anyway.

The above is a true story.

—————————————-

Will it be right to dump your partner just because your astrological readings or caste do not match up with other?

I’m going to put up a situation for you.

Say you’re in love with a girl(or guy), and had been in serious relationship for the past 5 years. Your partner seems to be an ideal partner, and you knew it that only she can be your other half. So you both finally decided to get married. You went and introduced her to your parents, and your mother asked about her background. During the background check, your parents found out that the girl is from a lower caste and decided you should not get married to her.

You tried reasoning with them, but it was not working out. They’re adamant that if you’re going to get married to her, she will not be accepted into the house and your marriage will not be blessed by them.

Will you go against and betray your family and marry her because she had trusted you and been with you through thick and thin?

Or will you comply with your parents because they’ve raised you all this while and your decision might scar their heart forever?

Don’t give me that crap that you will sit down and discuss and convince your parent and make them agree, the situation is simple, it’s either yes or no. Be honest.


166 comments to What if she’s pariah?

  • M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +32

    I will go against my family and marry her because she have trusted me , and went through a thick relationship.. I’m the one who gona live with her.. After marriage only few years Parents gona guide you.. just because of lower caste im not gona die or the all hail God not gona bless me.. Caste is nothing for it’s just a piece of shit for me .

    * sorry if english is bad =)

  • Vivek Muniappan

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +16

    I will go against my family’s decision and marry her. That’s what I will do.

    As a matter of fact, I do not know what caste my fiancee is from. But, when I told about her to my family, they didn’t ask me about it although my dad is concerned about caste.

    After all, it is I who is going to live with my partner. So what if every poruttam is matching and both family is from higher level of caste? Problems will occur for everyone without differentiating.

    p/s: Yaar saar antha ponnu? Solleveleh, kalyanam panna poringenu.. :p

  • kumar

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +16

    Being born as an Indian in this country is the toughest thing that one could get…

    Being born and rejected for coming from a lower caste is the most greatest insult one could get…

    Get married no matter what…there’s a proverb which ALWAYS comes true,’blood is thicker than water’. You will be accepted by your family no matter what happens (and that is one of the advantage to get born in an Indian family) :)

  • Dviduka

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +11

    I am raised by my parent not knowing my caste. And growing up, i never bothered to ask . If every Indian child is brought up this way, there wont be this problem in future.
    If you loved someone, its your responsibility to make sure that she is compatible with your family. You’ve known your parent for a long time, cant you tell what kind of girl they like?
    But then again, a parent should know that the type of girl they are looking is the one that can lighten their sons life. To reject her simply for her background is absurd.
    So sad that this is happening in our community.

  • Daniel

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +19

    From my understanding on my own belief, hypocrites are pariahs. Believing one as a higher caste & looking down on others don’t make one superior. By being equal, world will be a better place to live.

  • Asvini

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +15

    You see, from a girl’s point of view, we expect the guy that we want to marry to be able to support us no matter what. Whatever the circumstance, a girl after marriage depends on her husband, yes she does have her family but her husband comes first. So, if the guy is hesitating to marry you just because one local saami said he will die if he does, then sorry laa I rather be alone then be with him. The rule here is simple, if you have decided to marry me, then you have to stand by that decision and see it through. No girl wants a guy who thinks caste and astrology matter more than her.

    If I was a guy, I would so totally go and sock the saami who came up with this story! After all that’s how we machas roll!

  • Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up Thumb down -16

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    • Vivek Muniappan

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +34

      If you chose not to marry someone from lower caste, what about your daily life things handled by ‘lower caste’ people? Would you allow that?

      I am okay if someone is principled to follow the caste. But, do it consistently. Do not selectively follow this rule only when it is opportunistic to individual.

    • Ravin

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

      Hi – you’ve got an interesting take on this, though I don’t quite understand how astrological compatibility and caste ties with one another. One thing that I did notice though is the phrase “..it’s how the way things are.”, why do you suppose that is or would you care to clarify what you mean by this?

      On a related note I put to you a scenario – how if the gentlemen who has won your affection is a smartly dressed & well educated professional from a long ling of similarly well educated and well to do family – but – is of a “lower caste”. This particular suitor does appear to fulfil the “equal standing” and “stability” criterion you’ve illustrated in your post – would you marry this man?

    • sst

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

      And you say that you come from a long line of teachers and scholars.If so you should be able to reason out things better than others,otherwise what can you teach?

    • Kanakarajh Raman

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      forgive me if i got it wrong…. u’re saying, ur caste is “scholars/teachers”? LOL

  • neuro nimal

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +31

    bass,patti kitte sollunge.
    grandma grandma u that day see Jappan no!!now different..
    what is pariah actually? parai is drum and pariah is a drummer..
    how many of us realise that great musician maestro Ilayaraja from this caste??

    • Asvini

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +38

      Well said, how many of us realize that the caste system is actually based on the jobs people did in ancient times? So if a pariah is the lowest where one is a drummer who plays in funerals, if he changes his job to become a washerman does he get promoted to a Vannan? And how does this even apply to today’s society? What if some one is a Doctor and is a pariah and another person is a higher caste member and does drugs and lives in a dumpster? It’s not what we were born as, it’s how we choose to live our life! Religious and Caste Indoctrination of a child is also abuse!

  • Rasitha

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    well, as for me i’ll go for it married that particular guy.. yeah in the other part, we might said its a bit rude going against your parents who brought up you for years way more longer than the guy we meet, but again ask your self.. you freaking love this particular person so much and you know it will be forever.. so called THE ONE AND ONLY”, i don’t see why Caste is the stopper here.You can married a freaking rich guys or freaking high class caste guys,but if he didnt love you.. better married to a stone instead.. anyway im not saying i dont believe in jatagam and all.. but when its comes to love marriage avoid doing this… for formality than okie.. but please remind yourself, you stick to the same person no matter what ever happens. the amount of feelings to take into account,the amount of money spending together, the amount of time wasting togther and not gonna be with the person? Go for it.. Caste is just Caste.. its not gonna ruin your whole life. between, you didnt wanna be with their loves ones??!

  • Malaysian Boy

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +8

    So what happens if your in love with a person from a different race? Then they cant depend on the use of astrological readings or caste to match up you with your other half.

  • Satees

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +10

    Certainly I will choose the girl! Bcoz, as Daniel said, ignorants are Pariahs. Bro, anyway not only guys dump girls bcoz of caste, coz I’ve heard cases where some girls dumped boyfriends bcoz of caste. Anyway, in Malaysia, our machas can’t differentiate ethnicity and caste. They think language-ethnics like Malayalam & Telugu are caste.

  • Mugilan

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +11

    to be frank, if this happened to me and my whole family is against the girl that i chose, then, i am gonna dumb my family for the girl. People may go like “WTF”, ur family raised you since u were born, and how can you betray them, but the same family must understand their children’s decision. So what if she’s pariah? she’s human too with feelings. How can i break someone’s heart who trusted me and was willing to sacrifice everythin juz to have a happy life with me. Seriously, what does caste actually do in our society? People from higher caste are not getting any extra allowance included in their monthly pay right.? I’ll obviously choose the first option and this is entirely my point of view..

  • M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +11

    i m married against my family n my wife is not low caste . the reason is my mum dont like my wife n she wana to find girl for me – after i against n marry my wife they never call or visit me .its been 4 years after we got a baby i called my mum n inform – since then everything changed . she back to normal

  • ~nesh~

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +17

    This is one F**ked up situation to be in….hahahaha….and i serious shit hope never to end up in such a situation. Hell…i have been sitting staring and pondering over the question for the past half hour and DAMME i cant make a decision. Not because it involves CASTE -I am Strongly AGAINST it-,but for the sole reason that it involves the feelings of our parents. Is it really wise to go against our dear parents who if would have thought for a second and opted not to conceive, we would not be here at all, what more FALL IN LOVE. Then again, Is it FAIR towards the girl who trusted us all along, giving all they have to nurture the relationship and for staying by our side when we really needed to be loved.

    Dear writer,

    I think i am SORRY that i am going to give u the “crap that I will sit down and discuss and convince MY parent and make them agree”……hahahaha…cause brother seriously from a personal point of view i cannot see this as a YES/NO question. I know it sounds stupid…but…hahaaha…i cant help it. I feel that there more to it then just a YES?NO. I also believe in the “CRAP” of discussing and convincing…as in my view every problem if communicated well and discussed with intellectual perspectives and points i am almost sure that we would be able to get the point across.

    I hope my views does not offend any parties and i sorry if it actually did.
    P/S
    BROTHER….I LOVE YOUR BLOG….JUST beginning to read your articles and i deem those articles “SUPER FANTASTIC”…. You drive the NAIL Where IT Hurts MOST…Excellent.

  • kunjikounder

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    Bro.. with your permission , I would like to add another variable in the question that you have posted .. What if the boy is the eldest in the family and he has two younger sisters. Should now the boy defy the family and still get married to a girl of a lower caste knowing full well that the future of his sister’s might be effected or listen to his parents advise and not marry the girl from a lower caste….No you cant say that you will wait until both the sisters get married. What now …. caste or marriage….
    My point is … our generations do not bother about caste , but our parents and grandparents still do …. It will be our responsibility to wipe out this caste issue when our kids get married …… but for now .. the caste issue is here to stay…. whether we like it or not … Just because we love and respect our parents feeling…..If the boy or girls knows that their parents are particular about , they should sort it out before getting serious….. If both still want to copulate knowing that their parents would be against it …..Then its just the case of being gatal…
    P:S: I had the same conversation with my grandfather and got the same answer that ur grandmother gave.

    • mikemachan

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

      to answer ur question, i would suggest u 2 watch movie ‘Nadodigal’..
      if u can prove that ur family was following the caste system for marriage at least for 10 generation back, then i’ll agree with u that caste system is important for marriage..
      if u can can’t prove den forget bout d caste since d family itself do not bother to know d past n u no need to bother about ur future sister.. Think bout ur present is enuf…

  • Mathumieka Muniandi

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +10

    When, Subramanya Bharathi who was born in the year 1882 could see beyond taboos and superstitious, we should be mortified if we still clung and believe in this very farcical system. I will quote Mahakavi,(There is no caste system. It is a sin to divide people on caste basis. The ones who are really of a superior class are the ones excelling in being just, intelligent, educated and loving.)

  • kohi

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +15

    my sister fell in love with a guy of lower caste and when my parents found out they were against it totally. for almost 3 years all that my parents said was it cannot work out, our family could never get along with their family etc etc etc. my mother used every single tactic she could to change my sister’s mind. brought her to so called “samiyars” that told her if she marry her boyfriend he would leave her and marry another girl. one particular samiyar even told that she will fall sick and not have children and all. at the end, she stood by her decision and my parents knew they can’t do anything about it and agreed. she is now happily married. so if the guy/girl is really worth the fight and you are clear about your decision, nothing should come in between. if you know you don’t have the guts to go against your family, why the hell do you want to give fake promises?? you may break the promises and move on like nothing happen but don’t worry, karma will follow you and hit you when you least expect it…

    • Divya

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

      I have to say, I’m sorta inspired here. =) Im curious though, how do your family and the in-laws interact now? Are they close, or kinda ok with each other? So the wedding went on with blessings from both sides eh? heheh. Excuse my lil’ ‘kepochiness’ here. =D

      • kas_k

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

        yeah.. wedding wen on smoothly with both side attending and blessing them.. and now, my parents are much closer with their son-in-law… it was worth fighting and waiting for.. :)

  • Thumb up Thumb down +4

    I came across this one situation when I was staying away from my family.. My housemate asked every single person she knew (all her friend including me) about their caste, before coupling up pon she got to know the guy’s caste 1st.. Which pissed me off to the max of coz..

    caste’le yennathan iruko..?? =.=”

  • Koshey

    Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up Thumb down -6

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    • kohi

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +15

      you know..dumping a guy after loving him for 5 years and ‘i never wish to be selfish’ doesn’t fit into the same line.

    • Russ

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +21

      If you know your parents wishes and didn’t want to disappoint them, you would’ve never had that relationship at the first place.

    • joke la

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +6

      good kaamedy koshey!!

    • Saminathan

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +6

      Parents suppose to guide children on good ethics and morality.
      If they teach u ‘crap’ like caste system you still want to follow? just becoz they treat u like princess doestn’ give you the right to treat others(supposedly low caste) like shit!

    • Ravin

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      I guess the question you need to consider is why the “parents” in your scenario would be so selfish as to impose their likes and dislikes on their daughter.

      Would you as a parent in future impose your likes and dislikes on your daughter? Especially if you knew that it’s merely an arcane tradition that no longer holds any significance to daily life?

  • Thumb up Thumb down +4

    i choose to disobey my parents. human are same. no such thing as caste. if for them their sons happiness is important, they will break later days. happiness and tolerance is what we should preserve between us (husb and wife). m point of view. even mighty gob comes down and tells me that caste existed, i would not call him as god, may be some other bad word.

  • Tsunami Kana

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +36

    If you want to follow your parents wishes, do not look for girl/boyfriends. Just let them arrange your marriage. If you are brave enough to choose your partner than you very well better stick with that person. Don’t be a hypocrite and spoil someones life for your own pleasure. Nee nallave irrukamatte!

  • Kasvini

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

    BEngap lar…. so many those so called **** or Goldies or or whatever high castes are beggin for marks and soil the name of Indians in colleges and universities merata-rata negara. Kalau saya Pariah (which I dunno cause my parents didn’t tell me), saya takkan tengok sampah masyarakat sebegitu. PUI LA!!! The Chinese and mat salleh or Malays all spit at you tapi you ada hati, ada syok nak merendah-rendahkan orang lain.

  • anantha

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    In God’s eyes, all of us are same. what if he is a drummer (pariah) or farmer (kaunder), he still earned in the right way, so i strongly believe that it was WRONG to look at casts in ancient time. so its a BIG NO NO for me if casts becomes an important criteria in marriage, because i dont see how it plays a role in your daily life as well as long term relationship. if you are gonna say its your family name gets ruined and you will be looked down by your relatives if you marry a lower cats, let me tell you something. EVERYONE will say something no matter what you do, for the sake of a stranger who is going to talk about you, are you going to sacrifice your love? so i will say go ahead and marry. yes, you might scar your parents, but if they really love you and trust you, at the end of the day, they might accept your decision, but the thing is make sure you live up to their expectation and prove to them that you actually made a right decision ! xD
    p/s: AWESOMENESS is the one word i can use to describe your blog ! xDD

  • Sugarcane 5000

    Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up Thumb down -3

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    • suren

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      I guess from your mom point of view, she generalised that ppl from low caste are brought up in bad manner. That how ppl from old days see. we cant blame them cause they’ve lived in that way.

      But it is obviously better, if we could sit and convince that the ‘ONE SPECIAL PERSON’ have been brought up in good surrounding and good manner, i think they will slowly agree. it will take a long time but they dont opt to see their their children to suffer either, i believe.

      ONE GOLDEN DIALOGUE – “Naa unge pille appa/amma, kandippa oru tappana paiyan/ponne choose panne maatten” -stolen (u should knw where)

      BANNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.. right to their head :p

      and I will not go against the family neither will dump a girl who trusted me, so m included into the “CRAP” group :p

    • Kumar

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

      Bang, tell your mum kaunder, muthu raja,palavar and many others are also seen as the RUBBISH in our society. Its not caste problem, but our indian problem. I would respect other race because they will teach their kids the way of life and how to raise each other in the race. But we indian “makan kaum sendiri”. Where is the Unity? Occupational division now had become a human separation. LOL

  • Shaveena

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +9

    Dear Raged Indian Guy (Durai),
    Its me again. Interesting topic. Well, lemme tell you my point of view.
    Being in love for so many years,and almost getting married then u wanna give up and let go of the gurl/boy due to some Local Sammiyar Jathakam and Jathi story is totally unacceptable. Come on, then what is the point of you being in LOVE? Knowing that your parents are very particular with caste and astrolgical stuff, u shud just be prepared and find someone who suits u in that particular catagory. However,if you really love the girl/guy just go ahead.Nothing wrong.
    If you are thinking that it is a great sin to against your parents who have raised you and educated you.. then don’t fall in love and just ask your parents to look for you a bride/groom.Dun waste your time and the other person time to get into a relationship and screw it up at the end of the day.
    What is wrong with these people? Why shud we look at caste to judge someone? Why shud u look down on someone just like that without understanding their actual situation?
    I totally disagree when people bringing in caste as a major criteria for marriage.

    Talking about ‘PARIAH’
    My Grandma is a very pious woman,but suprisingly she is also into this caste thingy. We had a helper, Jamuna(i rather call her helper than maid), and my grandma was very unhappy seeing the way my family members treating Jamuna as one of us. According to my grandma, my helper is a PARIAH so we shud keep a distance from her.

    I have no choice but to sound my grandma..I told her :
    ‘Patti, vittele velai seiravangale vanthu oru velai karangala parkama, avangalama namba kudumbathil oruthara parkarathu nallathu.
    Parayano,Telungano,Kaundaro..Avanga ellarume manushanunge thaan Paati’

    ‘Grandma, we shud treat our maid like one of us, shouldnt treat her as a servant.Whether she is a Pariah,Telugu or Kounder, she is still a human.

    So as usual, after listening to my lecture my grandma when and complaint to my dad that i am very rude and etc etc.

    Letme tell u my dear grandma, you may pray so hard to the god..You may ask the God to give you a peace of mind but if you are gonna be mean to those poor people who is just here to earn their living..I have nothing to say.

    Thats all for now Durai. As i always say, Your Blog Is Awesome :)
    Just go ahead !

    Best Regards,
    Veena.

    • Selvan

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      Yathum oore yavarum kelir…’Every place is my home town; Everyone my kith and kin’ Song 192, Purananuru, Sangam literature: …
      Great and holy minds don’t segregate people for whatever they are..I believe caste system is introduced to classify people into the type of job they do. Those times, of course the father will teach the son about the nature of his job and it will descended to the next generation. With all the advancements now, people dont stick to their family job nowadays..those who were doing dirty and unhygienic deeds, work hard and school their children to the highest level they can afford. Their children become doctors and engineers and etc.Some of those who are proud to label their caste in whatever they do, still fail to bring up their children decently..some even end up becoming drug addicts and criminals. I think if you want to use the word pariah “as for low caste people”use it to those fellas who waste their life and become criminals, drunk, addicts and of course morons who still separate good and true love in the name of caste.

  • Divya

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +12

    I’m facing a similar situation. Though my parents accused my boyfriend as from low-caste, my boyfriend strongly denies this and told me to investigate his background properly. I never judge somebody with caste. I mean what’s wrong, he is earning, supporting his family, matured and all good stuffs. Now, what i can only see for the future is leaving family and getting married to him without parent’s blessings. Even though, I don’t find any happiness in my problematic family, my mind goes back to about how my big sister had threatened me; that if i marry my boyfriend, her marriage life will split and our own family would be isolated. Now, I couldn’t make sense of what she told me, but I’m worried too.I have vowed to bring my Mother with me after marriage, because that’s what my boyfriend agreed to; the very reason why i accepted this relationship with him in the first place.

    Oh! What a headache. So many invalid reasons were given to me to give up my guy. I was slapped, punched, spied,insulted, assaulted by my own family, was made to see bomoh and for goodness sake I’m a working adult!! Everyday before going to work, I’m given this ‘magic water’ that supposed to make me forget my boyfriend. How cool is that?? I never drank it; either pour it on the rag or spit it out somewhere else =D.They still think I could not make a good decision in life ; but then when they would think otherwise??=)

    I don’t care what the society thinks, but I’m just worried my chosen decision would cripple my family too. It’s a terrible situation where you are torn apart for family happiness and for your beloved. Caste was never in the list for me, plus I can not think of replacing a guy like mines. According my Mom and Dad they are from a good caste,and my sister got married to a man from a good caste – but what’s the point??Their marriage life is next to disaster!!!

    I guess, when the time comes, forcing me to decide, then I would have to move out with my beloved who has a lot more to offer to me in life. The only person that needs to be convinced is my Mother. And for sure there will be no ‘jathi’ uttered from our mouth when we start our family one day.

    People with some good knowledge of history and good rationality, would know that Caste system was evolved from the Varna system that was meant to group people based on social duties. A man who does farming can learn Vedas and chant mantras, and the ones who don’t prefer mantras would be keen to serve the Army. There was flexibility and no discrimination! Look at the system now.He may be honest, the entrepreneur, has good perspectives, genius…but once a caste is low, he becomes a rubbish?? What logic in that? I think the parents would marry their kids to somebody from within the family and let them have disabled kids, rather than letting a low-caste-branded somebody to enter the family circle. Funny people indeed who puts society expectations up above their own kid’s happiness, when actually the world are bothered enough dealing with their own problems!!

    There are people who use astrology and caste to end relationship, which totally proves how fake the love was. For the ones who are seriously committed to their partner, stay calm, judge wisely, share with your best buddy(s), and wait for time to heal the wounds. Time would actually heal. Our parents wants the best for kids, but sometimes they can’t be right all the time. If you are sure and clear about your stand on your love life, then you should be ready to face it and prove them(and yourselves) how wrong they were. True love deserves the strongest souls! I’m keeping my spirits strong and steady to face a bigger ‘tsunami’ in my life again, because I know I’m right!=)

    • Janice

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

      Hi Divya, I feel very sorry for you and I hope someday these people will realize that a person is defined by his/her personality rather than caste. Growing up in Indian family, I have somehow heard about all these craps about how a person is judged by his/her background. It’s funny how some people claim they are educated and civilized but when it comes down to relationships, they go back to the system that was practiced thousands of years ago. People’s perception of you changes once they find out that you are from a lower caste. Morality doesn’t come from one’s social status! As you said, you’re an adult but you are still bound to family traditions and I still think you should fight for your rights. You have the right to your own freedom and happiness. I understand that family values are important, but one’s own logical thinking must come before that. Simply nodding head to people’s irrelevant reasons are kind of dumb. This is my point of view, please do not take offense.

    • subashni

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      hey divya, i too went thru the same jz like u.. from the bomoh to the jathagam n all.. i stood till the end for my guy when my parents said he was from the lower caste but in the end u no what happened? my boyfirend n the whole family turned me down to shyts and i was the one who was dumbstruck n i look stupid to my parents til today..

      • Divya

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

        Im sorry to hear that Suba. Hmm. Guess what, life screws up at unexpected times, and we just gotta accept there is a reason behind all that happen. In this case, just thank God u didn’t end up with such a person anyway. You can’t blame yourself, coz, maybe the relationship had its toughest test and it failed due to withdrawal by one party. In this case, he’s the loser, not you. Coming days shall be pleasant, praise the Lord always, and you will find some peace. Cheerz ~

  • Prangbesar Palanisamy

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Hey guys, i wanna say something here……many people hold onto casteism because of religion but it might be shocking to some of here if i say that the Vedas are totally against Vedas and these Brahmana, ksatria and shit are all names of proffesions according to each’s intellectual capability and ability to understand and people were free to choose. And ahha everything needs proof and better explanation right? so here it goes. Enjoy. http://agniveer.com/series/caste-series/

  • Vin Kumar

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +11

    I have a few friends from this so called ‘Pariah’ caste.
    They live an upper middle class life.
    Their daughters have studied until PhD.
    Their sons (my friends) are one of the many top students in their college.
    They are friendly, well-educated and they earn a good and honest living.
    There are people I know who claim to be from a higher caste but their attitude are those of a baboon’s.
    Don’t discriminate them because of their castes.
    In the end, we all get buried under the same soil.

    BTW, Durai anne.. kalyaana saapaade varudho?
    Don’t forget to invite me anne :)

  • Lizard

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +13

    I choose to be a good human than to be a good son.

  • HARRISH

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Bro Durai!…..Great topic!…..to answer ur situational question, guess what??…i am gonna give u the crap u least expect. Simple reason because i have that inner intuition that my parents will somehow succumb to my explaination n ways of reasoning. FYI, my parents are teachers and listening and solving problems has been part of their job for their careers. A simple question laa, wont they want their son to be happy?…So, i think a good-hearted, responsible, hardworking and family-oriented daughter-in-law is what they are looking devoid of caste!…..So, r they gonna lose a very suitable candidate for a silly reason such as caste?….Naaah!…..I think not….the stakes are too high!….:)

  • sk

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Firstly I must say that you MUST STOP thinking in caste,and think of people as humans.what good is your “caste” when you die?do you get preferential treatment?you end up either as dust or fertiliser. I’m proud to say that my parents come from completely different backgrounds -race,religion, creed,etc,but they held on to each other and weathered every storm.this was the foundation that i grew upon so to hear of such nonsense just absolutely riles me.do you mean to say that as an adult,you CANNOT take responsibility for your actions?Come on,man!accept people for they are,love them for what they are.we have no right to judge. Above & beyond everything else, stop referring to people as pariahs.they are the same as you,of flesh & blood. One last word,i really don’t want to sound like im preaching but please tell your grandma that we WERE at war when the Japs did what they did;it doesn’t define them as a people. Lets’s not hold it against their people for what their forefathers did.we MUST move on.if we all lived in the past,we’d never be able to travel/ work/do busines with the Japs, Germans, Chinese,Russians, Dutch, Spanish..i mean the list goes on&on. It’s the 21st century – let’s start acting like we’re living in it.

  • Thumb up Thumb down +1

    Controversy stirrer as always bro Durai!!! :)
    My view, depends…
    This is because at this age now, most parents can be convinced. It’s just a matter of time and the way we talk to our parents. (esp since alot of Indians got Astro channel which features loads of long-winded Tamil serials that feature all these dramas everyday. Therefore the parents should get used to this by now :P)

    But, to answer your question anyway, hypothetically, I’ll say that I’d go with my Love**
    **terms n conditions apply la :P

    Before anyone hits me with the “What about you parents who brought you up and all” tirade, let me explain.
    Sure, your parents are the ones who brought you up, showed you the world throughout the 1st 20+ years of your life. And yes, I am truly grateful. But after that, are you still planning to live under their ‘shade’ for the rest of your life?? Even as a girl, I don’t want to live like that. What more a guy?

    Of course, all will have the guilt trips and emotional backlash when it comes to this situation. But in the end, it’s your life too. And if parents can’t understand this, then I’m sorry to say that your parents shouldn’t have had children or gotten married at all.

    Moreover, at this stage of life it is already your time to spread the wings and begin your own life. If you’re a guy, there’s a girl who trusts her future with you.
    If you’re a girl, the guy is hopes that you will stay through thick and thin.

    Think about it…
    Just my opinion..
    Cheers
    ~Shakti~

  • Pariahguy

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +19

    I am a pariah anyway therefore i’m off the hook.

  • prem

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

    in my opinion after all caste is just a thing being brought out in the recent years..during the first time indians were brought in to this country were they been differing the indians between the caste??NO..after all they were all worked together in a unity as brothers and helped each other out..leave that aside..how about the early generations of humans??they didnt even know there was different countries or language..all of them used the same language and leaved together as well..caste after all is just a believe but when u try to compare all would be having the same skin colour..it only differs according to the gen as some are meant to be dark and some meant to be fair..thats all..if ever we taught caste is a very important thing we should take it important in choosing friends as well..if ever we take this as important matter there would be more fightings and killings just because of this..some of them just dont think this..as for the matter of getting married,we should just go on marrying the girl/guy we know and been loving for years then relying on the caste as the person who loved us would understand us way more better than the one looking into caste..

  • M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +21

    my opinion is totaly different. Gals.. don’t sleep with ur boyfrens till u get married to them. no matter you are pariah or upper caste. :D i think i’m out of topic. LOL.

  • Athiss

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    If you got the guts and will to face the problem from the decision you make, then go ahead marry the one you love. Option 2 if your not willing to face the problem like a man, then just don’t get into relationship with another caste human being. Problem solved like a boss. Family is important as well as the girl that will be with you thru out your life, make a wise decision don’t be a scumbag. P.S: I will kill all every last Japanese that live on earth if they tried the toilet prank on me. Douchebag Japanese.

  • ram

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    1st of al my parents wont object(mayb my father wil but dats mostly cos he hates me hehe)but if they did object i wil stil marry d gurl and but i wont abandon my parents, I WILL FIND WAY TO TAKE CARE OF THEM EVEN IF THEY R NOT TALKING TO ME. <3

  • Lost Culture

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    Durai 1 small doubt…

    Your grandma neva tell why she hates lower caste… Any particular story behind it like the Japanese??
    Just curious about her side of the story….

  • green_clover

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    My personal point of view on this matter is that if the required two person care about what their parents concerns then they should not BE IN LOVE in the first place. When being in a long term relationship one should have already foresee problems that should be coming their way in the future. So when its the matters of the heart,we should follow what we feel is right without the involvement of family or sammiyars. Or else if being a coward is your thing,then just make up your mind in the first place and do not engage in any kind of long term relationship without being certain.

  • Nedu

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +7

    Jathi kallavaran undakire pakkiringela Durai? Hahah

  • Mr Jagger

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

    Hi Brother Durai,
    This is the first time im writting on your wall. So just my thoughts. If you know well that your parents/Relatives are very much into caste,then an individual should think carefully before falling in love with someone who is lower caste to them. Life is only once, so before a decision is made we have to think very carefully about the consequences in future. Why someone would want to go through a very hard period & getting married? Rather you can get your parents to choose for you with their blessings or find someone who is at equivalent level with your caste.So all will be good. My parents blessing is very important for me to have a good life. I am very lucky indeed my parents are not into caste(including my grandparents).As long as the girl is good, with good heart & family concerned it is fine with them & me. If my parents were into caste,i would rather get them to choose for me one because at the end i dont wish to hurt the girl’s feeling by dumping her after being in such a serious relationship for many years. For me it is something unaccaptable & i believe GOD will not forgive me because of the pain that girl might go through due to my decision. Even myself will not be happy because it will haunt me throughout my entire life.I might be out of topic brother but this is my opinion. So there is no YES/NO for me since i will makesure things will go smoothly because i DONT WISH TO HURT ANYONE.It is very important for me. Sorry if i have offended anyone. Just a note,Im stricly against caste so dont think im one of them.
    Brother Durai,i must tell you this. Im very new to your blog. Your thoughts are really interesting & when im stressed out,normally i read your blogs just to have a good laugh at the same time to think in what way we can help to make things better.
    Kudos to you !
    Onga blog super !!!!!!!!!
    GOD BLESS

  • PD

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Its sickening to know that till now, we indians still divide ourselves by caste. Nama ja maju, but mentality? It shouldn;t even matter lah. If you love someone, how can you leave them with just caste and jathagam being a reason?
    My grandmother is one kiasu lady as well. She was totally against my auntys wedding.She didnt even attend it. But at the end of the day, the son-in-law she so didn’t want is the one she adores now.
    Our family will come around, but don’t lose the one you love for a reason like this.

  • neuro nimal

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +27

    enaku terinji 3 jathi irku..
    1.aan jathi
    2.penn jathi
    3.pon jathi
    ithu le neenga entha jathi???

    enthaa jathi ye kalyanam panrathu tappu ille.ana aduthan ponjathi’ye kalyanan panrathu than tappu..

  • riyaa

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Caste is so NOT important to determine who you would wanna get married to. If you can make a commitment to love whilst in a r/s, you should have the same bloody commitment to get married to your partner too. That’s for my point of view.

  • pariah macha

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    hi sk durai,

    i have no worries for all of ur above questions, simply because im pariah.. in fact i am a chakkali.. so, for me, all jalan.. hahaha..

    pariah macha

    • mama jama chumma (Kicik punya)

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  • Seshadri

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +6

    Caste, caste, caste! This is the reason why Indians are still unable to progress, both here, India and everywhere else! I am so surprised that this is still going on – even among Indian Christians and Indian Muslims.
    Durai – tell your grandma that Japs of those days were different, now different – just like Germans of Hitler’s time and now. We cannot compare there and then.
    As for your scenario – let me tell you my story. I am a Sri Lankan Brahmin of Iyengar strata. We are more conservative and orthodox than Iyer. (For those of you who are in the dark – Iyengars are Vaishnavites, Iyers are Shaivites)I fell in love with a Ceylonese-Indian mix girl. Her mother is Vellaalar (Ceylonese), father is also vellaalar (indian). Strong objections from parents. Worse yet, my older brother’s wife and HER family starting to strongly object to my love.
    I tried everything – reasoning, begging and even threatening to marry her without their knowledge (though I didnt mean it – family is everything to me)
    My parents obviously want me to marry a fellow Iyengar. They were so desperate that they were even considering Iyer jaati. Unfortunately for them, I am a stubborn-headed bastard. Eventually they relented because 2 someones very powerful in the family were on my side. It was my grandmothers (paternal & maternal). Surprising right? So was I, but I count my blessings whenever it was showered.
    My parents, of course, had many conditions – the major ones being that the wedding must be Iyengar style, my wife must become a Vaishnavite (which wasnt a prob since her fav deity is Krishna)and she must wear manisaar for our traditional functions (which she hated) and all my children must bear Seshadri name (which they do)
    Ironically – my parents adore my kids but my wife is still cold towards them. She still cannot forgive them for the discrimination. Maybe one day she will.
    So – there is hope yet but I know not everyone is as lucky as me

  • Durai

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +11

    For your information ladies and gentleman,

    I’m not getting married and I was not discussing to my grandma or mother about the girl that I’m going to marry. It was a random topic and I felt it should be shared with you and see how concerned you’re about caste.

    @mama jama chumma

    I was not having any intention to show my caste superiority , in fact I’m perplexed on how you can come up with such an assertion. I don’t even know for real what is my caste, nor have I cared about it.

    When we’re talking a sensitive topic, argue with sense, don’t personally attack me without proper justification. Please apply some intelligence in your opinions.

  • M.Siva

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    It sucks to know people Indians still considering about caste when we should be looking ways to come up in life. What is caste anyway? What is astrology? When a couple is confident that they gonna’ have a happy life together, they should go for it no matter what. We should not sacrifize our life or love just to make our parents happy. Take parents concern as an advise but the final decision should be made by us. Caste or astrology should not be the criteria of marriage.

    Case like Thenmoly happened to my cousin. He listened to his mother & dumped the girl after marriage registration. I hope he burn in hell. Stupid ass*&^%.

  • Sashi

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    bro…..nice topic……..but kinda sensitive as well….

    to tell u the truth, my parents r very much like ur grandma……but its kinda peculiar case, as Im a medical student: my mom wants a ponnu who is a high caste gurl who also happens to be a Dr…but if I happen to fall in love with a chinese gurl, no questions asked; she agrees with green light…..

    but I told her, if u want tat much of a criteria, why u jus find a ponnu for me…she agreed tat too……

    u see bro, u cant help falling in love, however u must look over many aspects b4 gettin betrothed to a lady….there is a saying goes; if ur marrying a gurl/boy, ur maarying his/her family indirectly as well……….

    tat jathakam thing u mentioned, if im not mistaken, a gurukkal told me once tat if a couple had alrdy fell in love and want to get their jathakam checked, it really doesnt matter at all as their heart(opinions, likes/dislikes,) have alrdy been in harmony wf each other…..come on jatakam is a 10 quality things tat they match make…….its basically science…………..

  • Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Damn..An Awesome Article You Have Written Above.!!

  • Tangerine lily

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    as far as I know, I’ve always associated ‘pariah’ with being a badly behaved, uncouth individual.

    I know not of a ‘caste’ system, despite the fact I was born a Malaysian-Indian.

    The rest of my family 1 of many races. We don’t see people for skin colour or whatever.

    I call ‘em as I see ‘em: youre attitude, your manners, and how you treat another human being in general.

    I have even said to some people I’ve met ‘you’re pariah. For saying such things- shallow minded, idiotic & foolish.’

    Pariahs are those who treat others like dirt. Simple as that.

  • James Krishnan

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    Common guys & girls..Look around us..especially on Chinese and Malays how they are living as united..They don’t have this caste system..Why only Indian’s have this???Forget about our oldies..they are lack of informations those days..We are in NEW world..Let us change it..As we see in Malaysia many ‘other’ races seeing us as low standard people..So we are the new generations that need to change their thinking by showing that Malaysia Indians are also well united..Do not separate each other by caste..I have a lot of friends with various caste but I don’t see it..Yes some of them are being brought in very discomfort situation and lack of wealth,education,and
    not healthy environments..So if you meet such a person,take the responsibilities to change their life style…change their attitude..change their way of thinking…change their way of dressing…If each and everyone start to do this..well just imagine another 10 years how our Indian will be…I’m damm proud to say that I had done it and I’m doing it and I will never stop it..I had form a football team and I do have ‘such’ caste players..they are very young..so I don’t want the ‘separations’ to ‘KILL’ their future..Let’s Do It….Do not see people via what caste..see them as HUMAN BEING..Remember..end of the day..OUR DESTINATION ARE SAME…ANBEE SIVAM….

  • danny

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +8

    I love my parents !! reason??? the same issue happened during my uncles’s engagement .. The bride’s side asked my dad.
    Bride’s dad : Thambi what caste are you people yah?
    Dad : let me check my calendar . owh yeah its 2009. If you still want to talk about that is door ..you may leave.

    My uncle supported my dad !! until today i do not know what is my caste and i do not care . What if i am pariah??? the question did cross my mind !! then i told myself WTF if i am a pariah .. i am still a human.. if within a single race has so much of classification , there goes your unity !

    as my dad said !! Ivengelam nadu roadle vachi serapala areyanum !

  • Yvonne Kumari

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    Hey there Durai,

    I have just recently came across your blog and i find it very interesting! Thumb’s up for your amazing articles!
    I’m a Chindian( I’m pretty sure you guys are familiar with that term)
    My mum is an Indian and my dad is Chinese. I could pretty much say that my parents’ marriage was a forbidden one. My extended family on my dad’s side totally isolated my mum, me and my sister ever since my dad passed away. They never liked us anyway. Racism and caste really suck!

  • mama jama chumma (Kicik punya)

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  • Sangiitha

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    Caste is a never ending story. We can’t do much with the old folks who are so tied with the caste issue and only the young generation could make a change. Why there’s “sangam’s” ( for caste all over malaysia?? This should be banned first! It really make me sick to see ppl attending this gathering and meetings and to make things worst, many of them are youngsters! I never seen the pratice of different ceremonies by different caste since my parents never exposed us to this. Being married with a partner from different caste really opened my eye on how ppl could do anything for their caste. It really annoyes me when i hear the old folks say “ahvange namba allenge la?” (“are they from our caste?”).. Whats is so great about your caste??? DAMN!

  • Amutha

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    Sometimes all this jathi, matham al is just fucking bullshit created by ppl for their benefits and followed by brainless. What if the girl was a millionaire’s or a Dato’s daughter? Would they have opposed in any way ? I dont think so.
    When i was 9 something my great granma was still arnd. She used to tell the story of hw her son, my grandpa married a lower caste gal, my granma, and had to come to msia after their fmly and relative isolated them.
    And i still remember the dy i asked my mum “Amma, namme enna jathi?” Her answer was simply “Namme ellarum manusa jathi than ma” and some further explanations.
    Until nw we kids never knew al those stuff and i really feel so happy that my parents never looked into al those jathagam stuff. I remember hw mum named my bro. She said tht “Naa enna paiyannuku per vaikka entha samiyaraiyum ketka vendam.” No jathagam or any sort of nonsense was reffered.
    What is caste, race and even religion to differentiate we, human beings? We spend so much of time finding our differences tht we forgot what we have in common.
    What is caste when we go up there and face Him?

  • mama jama chumma (Kicik punya)

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    remind me of one particular scene in the movie Vedham Puthithu..

    Brahmin Boy: Jaathi illene solluringele, aanaa mucheke muche Balu Thevar parambarai ne solluringele..Balu unggal peyar, Thevar enna ningge vanggine pattum ah?

    (Slap, slap, slap) after a few seconds pause, the boy will continue to say “Naan karai erithen, ningge anggaye nikkerengile”…Extraordinary scene, thought-provoking.

  • Saminathan

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    I’ve noticed the ‘caste’ come into play when the girl or guy is from middleclass.
    If the future son in law or daughter in law is driving a BMW,,caste is then thrown out …I’ve seen many in real life.
    Real Hypo parents/grandparents!

    I think the young generation should just ignore/breakdown their parents/grandparents’s the walls of caste and move on!

  • neuro nimal

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    guys check out today makkal osai news paper.
    This happens at Kulim.an indian lady teacher ask every students caste before start to the lesson??and she advise them to select caste in friendship and marriage!! what the?
    un pillainge kitte solriya parpale athu enna ella tamil pullainge kitayum solrathu??
    unake K***y cholesterol thane???
    kadupu ethurar my lard!!!

  • Jassheena

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    I do find castes and religion to be very interesting subjects. In fact, I’ve always been very keen to know which caste I belong to and how it came about. Castes are just castes. They don’t define who you were, who you are, or who you will be. My grandparents (mom’s side), were both from India, where the whole “caste-ism” actually begun, and they would tell me that people actually kill each other in India because of castes (time to believe Tamil movies now). But my debate is that, how would you define a pariah? Where did it start? If pariah was supposed to be the lowest caste (slaves,didn’t have money), then how different are we compared to them? Aren’t we slaves as well? Don’t we work really hard for that pay check? Don’t we try and budget every month to ensure we’ve got money to spend? Don’t we sacrifice our lunch/dinner to make sure we’ve got enough of money to board the Rapid bus home–kalau tak cukup, kena lah naik bas Metro hari nie? How different are we compared to the people who belong to the “pariah” caste? Because we hold a SPM/STPM/A-Levels/Diploma/Degree cert in hand and do the exact same thing they are accused of doing? Back to the author’s question, if I fell in love with someone and he wanted to get serious with me, and he happens to be from a lower class, I strongly believe my parents wouldn’t judge him by the name of his blood, instead the personality and attitude that comes with the macha is what they would judge. The reason I strongly say this is because, if my parents grew up telling me caste was important, I would probably stalk the macha who liked me, get his full jatagham , make sure the jaathi, maatham, porutham all matched up, then decide to take things seriously. But I was NOT brought up that way. Nor was the author (judging on how strongly he stands by his views). You could fall in love with an Iyer or Brahmin with the attitude of a “pariah”, or you could also end up falling in love with a “Pariah” who has the cleanest heart and attitude. I guess ultimately, castes are something to be explored about but never to be practiced. -My two cents-

  • selvaa the silvan

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Dud this is a very good topic that should be brought up to over low minded community !!!! Why there should be differences in caste. All of us are human and we have the same brain… Caste was created by old people ,was to address on a persons profession but later on it became the other was round!!! So i don’t give any importance to caste and i hope that the upcoming generation plz don’t ever be like the oldist k !!! So Think wisely and love the one that you really love not because of their caste or anything else !!(SELVAA THE SILVAN )

  • Thumb up Thumb down +2

    I will not marry him (because my parents say so)at the same time I will not allow them to look for a maapilai for me

  • samiyar

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    Im your jathagam shit scenario, take it from me. it wasnt easy to let go of a wonderful relationship because one ass digging samiyar decides to make money out of ur destiny.. all i know he decided to shut me off because his mom were afraid he would die in a year, like he is “washing machine” with warranty!! he didnt say a word, his mother’s tear were valuable and mine merely made him realize the damage he has done.. its has been 3 years and I have completely shut myself for a new relationship, what he took away from me is the trust and faith i had upon him, thats damaging, if only he could see my parents crying and grandma saying to my face ” will i see u getting married” dramatic – yes.. but all i wanted is to celebrate love in the name of marriage with him and perform patta poojai for my parents… so yeah – all glory to my ball less ex and his ass digging samiyar.. loneliness and i dont go hand in hand, but thts exactly wht i feel loneliness.. – guys if u decide to make her yours, and your parents are against it.. all u could do for her is to stand by her and let her go as gentle as possible, this helps the soul to recover.. mine still hanging up there on a coconut tree! so just be gentle, afterall she is the one u had loved once… Peace!

  • EnPeeruPadiyappa

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    Sorry Durai, your questions are not as straightforward as it sounds. Its not black and white. A man or a woman were asked to choose either the parents or their respective partner.
    Lets say for simplicity that the mother did suicide if you did get married, would you forgive yourself? Or if your partner suicides, would you forgive yourself? Never straight forward.
    But here is the ultimate question – would you sacrifice your parents whom fed you breastmilk, fed you, loved you, looked after you, took you to the hospital when you were ill, sacrificed their meals/hunger to educate you to where you are right now for the past 20+ years over a love that you fell in, for the last 3 years (lets say?). If you chose love, you might as well do a virtual cremation on your parents. You can always replace your love, your girl, your guy whatever. You can never replace your family, esp your parents. But parents in recent years have accepted to come around of what children do/who they fall in love with. Mix-marriages are very common nowdays as parents seemed to see that happiness of their children is the most important thing. see even then, they choose your happiness more important than theirs. Of course you have a small percentage of parents who still look into caste/religion/race etc. and there is nothing you or I can do to change that…so like some people suggested here, know your parents interests are and if they are cool, fall in love with anyone you want and if they are not cool, then either know if they would accept it (by one way or the other) but if they insists over their dead body, then you have to apply restrictions on yourself to be trapped into a situation. Yes, you cant help falling in love with someone. And if that happened, and your parents dont agree, then first your other half should be in a position where she/he would wait for you(unfair i know, but what is fair in life!) and second, you need to do your utmost to make them realise that this girl is your world and without her, life means nothing.

  • Via

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    Interesting post……Well, my parents are aged over 60 both are educated and they still do follow the caste hierarchy. Personally I don’t agree with it at all but who am I to question my parent’s belief? They put food in my plate and a roof under my head and they literally bend over backwards to cater to all my needs. They still have the old school thoughts but as long as they are not hurting any1 I’m OK with following it to make them happy. However since I’m around 12 year old itself my parents told me that they don’t mind me marrying sum1 of my own choice but he must pass a certain criteria set by them:

    1. The caste can be any not necessarily form our own caste but can never be a pariah or its equivalent (the most important it seems)
    2. Educated guy (at least a degree holder)
    3. Good family background
    4. Jathakam match

    These are their checklist it seems. Anyhow as I grow older I realize that the guys I fell for always don’t match at least one of the checklists. It’s tiring actually since If I fell for a guy I always need to stalk the guy and fish out all the necc info before proceeding. If a guy proposes I need to interview all sorts of crap before giving my answ.But thankfully I always have been the type of girl who thinks with my head and not heart.

    For me it’s impossible to fall for a guy at first sight etc. Good looks don’t attract me.Well I noe sum of u gonna shoot me for this but I think people who c a guy/girl and profess their so called love within months of knowing each other are idiots. Jus 6 months of “loving” some1 bt still can go fight with parents for him/her.
    Im getting out of topic nywy what I’m telling is that make ur parents happy first. And ur happiness will follow eventually….if u already know that ur parents not gonna agree for certain things then better think very carefully before choosing someone.

    Someone told me once that u can’t choose the person u will fall for, it jus happens…..what a bunch of crap,of course u can….I never heard of any1 living in misery for following their parents’ wishes but I have heard of many who went against their parents’ wishes and still paying for it.

  • Proud2bePariah

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +30

    Dude – as usual, thought provoking. My two cents here. I am from the lowest of the ‘pariah’ jaati. According to my mother, my ancestors from Tamil Nadu were chandala/harijan jaati. Of course, in the course of time, my ancestors do not practice Chandala nature – but the stigma stuck on hard. They came to M’sia hoping for a better life and no discrimination, but once a chandala, always a chandala. So even here in M’sia they were ostracized. My great5 grandpa used to take care of cows/other live animals, and my great5 grandma used to clean the latrines/outhouses of the higher caste families. They were fed with food & drinks served in kottaangkachi (coconut shells) and whatever they touched would be sprinkled with abhisega water to purify it. That was hundreds of years ago. Now their descendant (my father) is one of the successful Indian men in Selangor, all his employees in business and domestic are Indians, who are in higher caste but dont mind taking money from someone from a lower caste (he prefers to employ them rather than nonIndians – he loves to help Indians as much as he can by giving them jobs)My mother has a PhD from Australia (but she earned her PhD, she didnt buy it like Rosmah) and is a Sr Manager in a well known MNC. They have 3 children – all of us have a good education and have good jobs (no, we dont work for our father :))
    Not bad for a family who comes from a long list of chandala eh?
    So – whats this story abt caste? Hmmm?

    • Shrimithra

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

      well said! Seriously agree with what r u saying.

    • SEAN

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      hey P2P, it doesn’t have to be a racist comment and i too believe it will not apply for every single human being like what his grandma thinks. i believe people should be looked at for this time and century not what our ancestors do. times change, people should be punished for their own sin not what their ancestors did hundreds of years ago. for me if my mom disagree ill talk her into letting me choose

  • Shantz

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    Proud2bePariah: Hats off to you….!!!

    • Saminathan

      Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up Thumb down -5

      Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

      • Shantz

        M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

        Hi Saminathan,

        For once, someone actually accepts the fact that he is from the caste mentioned. All this while, I’ve only seen ppl claiming that they are from a very good caste (well, there is no evidence in which caste one belongs to, it’s not difficult to add the caste surname on IC once a baby is born).

        And i think Proud2bePariah has all the rights to be proud, as from his story, it can be seen that his ancestors had struggled to get to this good position in the society, so why shouldn’t I lift my hats to him?? he wasn’t preaching about how “heavenly high” his caste is but merely sharing his side of the story.

        About his dad’s employees: (maybe)I don’t think there is a column for caste in the application form to hire ppl, as Most ppl will be making some “noise” about the caste even without asking (after joining the company)!!!

        • tholu

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

          Well said Shantz. Saminathan’s comments are inconsistent and seem to be contradicting. I can’t figure out what his take on this issue is.

  • VoVIn

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    well..who cares..of course i love my family ..but as u all knw.ur parents will juz take care of you till certain part of your life..not after that..after that ,is all up to you to decide for your own life..caste?? thats pure bullshit..thats old skool..forget bout it..u want to bring the matter of few decades ago??.the caste which very low last time may be very high right now…behave la..i think its better juz to forget bout this caste stuff and marry whoever you love..remember..love is about understand the person and vice versa..not bout some random caste..if im in that position..i will marry her..eventhough if i have to go agains my parents…love my mom alot…=D.

  • Saminathan

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    VoVIn – nalla sonneenga!…many people hide behind ‘love my family’ thing and support caste aka racism!

    Nobody says we should’nt love our family. We should just adopt the good values taught by family and drop the not soo good ones.

  • Proud2bePariah

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +11

    Dear Bro Saminathan,

    Thank you for your comments. I chose the nick Proud2bePariah in relation to the topic. The reason is as I have said – I am from the chandala caste. The lowest caste. I am born into this caste, and I am proud. Why not? For generations, the ppl in my caste were treated horribly. I dont have to announce that if I were ashamed for the fear of being ridiculed.
    The reason of stating that my father’s employees being higher caste is…like Durai loves to say, its not generalisation, but targetted, though not targetted here. Yes, I know some of them are higher caste cos our driver who was with us for 5 months, whom we called Uncle all the while, quit his job because he didnt want to work for chandala when he found out thats what we were. Also, since there are very few self-acknowledged Chandalas, I was generalising that most Indians are of higher caste than my family. My mistake for thinking so, for that I apologise. But I am not apologising for being caste-ist, because I am not that. It would be hilarious and ridiculous for a Chandala to be a caste-ist.
    The point of my comment, is that I am proud of my ancestor’s achievements – not mine. I was lucky to be born in a life of luxury. There is nothing significant taht I have achieved – I went to univesity with my father’s money (who btw advised me not to go to local university not because we were wealthy or the local U standards are low, but he told me not to compete with other Indians who were not as lucky as I to have parents who can afford to pay for their education. He said if I got a place in m’sian U, I would be depriving a poor indian from getting a spot as per our M’sain quota)
    Like I said, I am proud of my ancestors. From toilet cleaners, now successful businessman by God’s grace. I shudder to think what they’d gone through in life, working bloody hard to ensure their descendant, whom they prob would not have laid eyes on, live a moderately luxurious life. If you compare me and Durai – I would say he has achieved more. He bought a hse at the age of 23. At 23, I just started to work. (btw – from the day i started working, I pay for my own way…cos my dad insisted that we learn to stand on our own feet…but enough abt me – like you said, the topic is abt caste, not self boast!
    I will now explain why I used Proud2bePariah. You see, Pariah in this context is used as a self-deprecatory tone. THough, historically it was meant as drummers, in the colloquial usage by indians to mean ppl from the lower caste…and I am of the lowest caste :) It was not meant to be used in a derogratory way, if that was how you understood it.
    If I understand Durai – his intention to talk abt this sensational yet sensitive issue is twofold. First – like it or not, caste system do exist in the modern Malaysian Indian society, though confined to issues to matrimony. Second – how silly to be indulging in caste in a modern Malaysian Indian society. And he was expecting his readers to elaborate on that – pros and cons. Take it with a pinch of salt.
    Again, thanks for your comments, Saminathan. My father always taught me that “if you think positive, positive things will happen. If you think negative, then negative things will happen” I will take your comments as constructive critism.
    God bless,
    Proud2bePariah

    • Shrimithra

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

      again u hit them right. Hats off to u!

    • Saminathan

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      Dear P2bP,
      About your family’s achievement, thats great, I am not questioning that!
      Caste system originated from identification to profession. Low income/dirty jobs are generally low caste and the opposite for supposedly high caste.
      So if a person upgrades himself(like your family) why should he stick to so called low caste.
      My point is, if you yourself recognise that you are from low caste,,than whats stopping others from looking at you that way? ( and really its humiliating if people refuse share your food, come to your house, marry into your family,etc)

      If you and your fan still dont get what i am trying to say I rest my case! Have a good day!

      • basil

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        i dont think you get what he’s trying to convey. it’s his caste. you cant change that. say for example, if you’re born Brahmin, you’ll be Brahmin all your life. right? how are you gona change your caste?

  • whacko

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    haha our ancestors have done a great job by implicating this culture huh? Honestly I do not like to use that word..if your only leaving space to discriminate…why don’t we all just go kill ourselves.. we’ll end up being dead anyway..haha …. it does not make sense to me that their “lower caste” jobs have actually helped clean our “ancestors” crap if not them then who else? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraiyar

    who cares as long as the “lower caste” is someone I have madly fallen in love with.I don’t give a sh*t ..really..

  • seanfbar

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    same caste issues from then till now…the year already reach 2012 bt some of our people mind still havent reach 2012.
    let bygon be bygon…

  • Jendiya

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    As for me, If I’m in love with a Lower caste Guy, and when my Parents doesn’t approved and bless my relationship with Him and never let me to get marry with him, I will never go against to my Parents, BUT at the same time, I will Stand with my decision. I will Never dump the Guy that I loved for my parents because He is the only guy I can see my future with. No matter how many Better Guys that my parents can bring to me, My Guy will be my BEST among the Rest, And I will Wait until My Parents says a “YES” for Him no matter how long ages it gonna take. Simply to say that I will never Go AGAINST my Family and My Guy, because I believe TIME can and will change everything especially Typical Indian Mind towards the Caste system. :)

  • sanjana

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    shockingly, i did ask my bf what was his caste before i got together with him. well, to tell you the truth, i never cared a shit about caste, religion or anything. i see everyone as equals and this caste thing will surely stop with my generation. But the only reason i asked him was to keep my parents happy that at least i was fulfilling their conditions. But no matter what, ill never stop loving him. not even if im parents stop me….

  • Varna

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    YES and ill go against it .

    Why ?
    – we grew up with some pre-conditioning set in our mind by our parents and elderly ppl .So your dear paathi is never wrong nor our parents for what they been told to believe in ; aint we all set our own preset “requirements” or “personal standards” of what we choose to believe and do for our daily routines.

    :) lets have this changed ! im raising my kid with no introduction to this topic or at least till the day when im questioned by them.

    Blessed be .

  • iila

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    Bro…putting the caste issue apart how many of us trying to be HUMANS first of all…”Question mark”

    Relationship and commitments are base on TRUST N TRUST N TRUST ONLY … once you have decided he /she is the best person to spent rest of LIFE.. just go for it ..KEEP THE PROMISES MADE… !!!

    If he/she knew that their background is PARIAH / ROYAL and the parents are not going to be happy with the marriage on the fist place don’t make promise or get into such relationship …easy!!! ..no heartaches or issues.

    Do not misuse the care and love from any parties…NO MATTER PARIAH/ROYAL ……….
    the pain going to be the SAME …

  • Alan

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    Dear Ones… The Great Ambedkar is from a low caste. Does that make him any lesser than the brahmins or so called higher castes. We should first consider how the other races are looking at us and classifying us. We, a minority, with such great dissisipation and disparity, not going to make any difference la, whether we are pariah, or brahmin, or any other castes. Vettuna ratham sigappu thaane, athu varaikkum ellaam manushan thaan…

  • IdunTrustCaste

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    hi..dis is actually a superb article n i actually support it..caste is nothing..parents who gives dis as a reason can neva b parents..So ur caste is important compare 2 ur kids life..then u r nt fit 2 b parents..If u ever meet somebody who still says ‘Pariahs’ cant live a gud life or wat so ever juz ask them 2 google about them n u cn actually c most of them who is well known in dis world r the so called ‘pariahs’..

  • ramesh naidu

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0JVeKGZ4Bg

    is this cultural hindu wedding or is this follow the movie wedding or is it pariah wedding maybe?

  • ramesh naidu

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    many saying caste is ntin but i see always discrimination in caste in malaysia..u say wht u feel nt wht u do..only in movies its all live or let die abouot love..in real life all behave like ‘pariahs’..

  • iaminlove

    M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +5

    hey guys this article really pulled my attention.
    my very first question……….. SO WHAT ??????????
    i am actually in this same dilemma now
    i liked a gurl …….. she liked me
    then we talk talk and now in love
    tell me honestly guys what else matter
    she is an awesome gurl
    i cant ditch her for simple fact that she born to a low caste dad……
    she is mine ……. i can see a wonderful future of being wit her
    i never against to know who are u …… but that’s doesn’t mean you can
    disgrace who born in lower caste than you.
    i guess if this were to happen in us or somewhere else
    you can get sued for this
    all i know is i am firm with my stand to be wit her always
    by the way i am very sure me n her will create a cute family ….. not gonna let it be only a dream….

  • YoungRagedIndian

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    I’m in an interracial relationship………Got sick of indian girls……too much taboo…….So, guys try other races……It’s better….seriously….

  • tholu

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    Have you ever had a friend who admitted that he is from a low cast? I have no such friends and chances are no one has. Everyone claims that he is from a higher caste. Logically speaking, only about 20% of our acquaintances in Malaysia can possibly be from the higher casts. The rest 80% must be from the low casts. Why do I say this? I say this because the majority of the Indians who migrated to Malaya under persuasion by the British are from the low casts indigent group. They were mainly from the four South Indian states of Madras (now Chennai), Kerela, Andra Pradesh and Karnataka. They were illiterate and lived in abject poverty. There were no job opportunities and the well-heeled there shunned them. (The conversion of many Hindus to Islam and Christianity was attributed to this fact; the fact that they were ridiculed and mocked by people of higher casts). But now, in Malaysia, we hear everyone saying that they are from the higher castes such as Mudaliar, Konar, Pillaimar, Gounder, Reddy, Menon and so on. As for me, there are only two castes of Indians or for that matter, among the people of the world. One the refined and the other the uncouth. Refined in the sense they have good and cultured manners and behaviour, civilized and possessing positive thoughts such as compassion, kindness and empathy. Uncouth in the sense they are uncultured, rude, wicked in thoughts and deeds and are merciless.

  • vanitha

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    Pariah or not, everyone is born thru the same process. 10 months in a mothers womb. Whoever claims to be the highest caste also was made in the same process and born in a same way. No babies comes out with a stamp on them high caste,low caste.
    The caste system all came about from the stupid human mentality.

  • Tamizhan

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    look, ur parents have raised you from young. no way you can go against their will. as to the girl, she trusts you and only you, you cant dump her. So, if your parents really care for you, why cant they understand your stand after you explain it to them. Only idiots will go against their parents or dump the girl. lazy, stupid, real pariah idiots. they are the ones who will promise the girl much and end up dumping them later. I mean, if you can betray your parents after so many years, then the girl you knew for a while will not be safe, right? So i will talk to my parents and they will understand my love for the girl, coz they’re, my parents and want the best for me!

  • shaminny

    Thumb up Thumb down -2

    the article MR.DURAI , is really mind blowing.. i went through all the comment before i post mine in.. my family is a very caste oriented family, probably because we are one of the highest . My parents strongly believe caste and jadagam is one of the major role in marriage and i must say i wont go againts their wishes when it come to marriage because i want my parents blessing in everything i do especially marriage .I cant change my family or relatives mentality especially when i have a living prove that nothing can change my family`s mind.( my uncle chased his 1stwife and children purely because they supported the marriage of my uncles eldest daughter who married a low chaste)I wont marry someone againts my parents wishes because marriage is a very vital decision and i do want their blessing and if that means i have to include chaste and jadagam into my requirement, i will and ofcourse even before getting engaged into a relationship i would not hestitate to explain this important topic of marriage cum chaste cum jadagam . im sorry if i hurt anyone here but i did ask my ex what caste he is before we proceeded further .Personally i dont believe in discrimination of caste , for me caste is just a way our ancestors define the proffesions . To discriminate someone because of caste is unfair but to educate the older generation on this matter is just plain stupid . they will never listen because that is just the way they are , we are the future generations and we are solely responsible to demolish these caste discrimination . i might oblige to my parents and require a good chaste and jadagam compatibility to marry my husband but i have made my mind long time ago that my children will never face this situation . This is how i do my part is demolishing caste system because currently it exist in malaysia and denying and critizing the system wouldnt change a thing. We have to change so the future is different .

    • Asamboi

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

      The fact that u r not from the brahmin sect means that u r a pariah as far as a brahmin is concerned. There are 3 types of caste in India, officially in India today – Brahim, Backward Caste (BC), Scheduled Caste (SC). The old caste system of Vaishya, Kshatria etc is no more practiced.

      Therefore miss Shaminy, you are a pariah – not that there is anything wrong with that but stop trying to say that you are one of the highest one – because there is not such thing – either you are a brahmin or you are BC / SC.

      • Ravi

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

        no not really. its categorized into forward castes, BC and SC. u can be a brahmin, kshatriya, ect and be in the forward class.

      • Ravi

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

        caste system these days is way off from its original meaning anyways.

      • KKS Ravi

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

        asamboi…stop commenting like one sappi potta bokana!….

        Pariah = Paraiyar (drummers)

        the one u mentioned vaisha, kshatriya is not jati but varna…

        paraiyar is a jati…..sudra is a varna

        so Shaminy is not one….logic?

        anyway…the urumi players are from Paraiyar caste……sorry bang…ithu thaan unmai

  • shaminny

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

    im commenting on asamboi reply to my comment . mr asamboi thank you so much for misunderstanding my point here . My point was that i will include jadagam and chaste into my marriage requirement to full fill my parents wishes but ill do my part to change the future . im so sorry that u have a defect in seeing the main point here but its ok , i agree its my fault of saying im one of the higher caste but it definitely seems to me that you didnt get the point here .

    • Asamboi

      M1 comment! Thumb up Thumb down +7

      My point is you could have said all that you said without mentioning your caste. In mentioning that you are of a higher caste, just demonstrates to me that you are caste bias. By the way, last is heard is that for RM 50, the priest will provide the ‘right’ jathagam with the one you like – there is a price for everything i guess….If only all jathagams worked, we would have zero divorces among the indian community.

    • DumbFishstcks

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

      Yeap .. “My point was that i will include jadagam and chaste into my marriage requirement to full fill my parents wishes but ill do my part to change the future “…

      then what’s this about lady?? ”Personally i dont believe in discrimination of caste , for me caste is just a way our ancestors define the proffesions” your ancestors.. or just you?

      So what your saying is the so called lower caste are not in your term professional enough to withhold your high-nosed society.. so your politely saying that you didn’t mean to harm anyone’s feelings cause all you had to talk about was a whole lot of ‘I AM NOT A PARIA BUT AN UPPER CASTE.. AND WHY WE DISCRIMINATE THE LOWER CASTE” …

      Your so shallow minded.. I didn’t care if you said appropriately ” I cant get married to someone my parent disapproves of as he is not of the same kind of caste.. as I love them(Fullstop)”.. but here you are in a way putting in reasons.. on why caste system is in a way acceptable as the lower caste are not professional enough(in your mind)…. and yeah you mentioned being futuristic in educating others in future
      ?? How are you going to do that.. when your current mindset is still the same with the high-nosed society?? oh wait! Is it just you .. cause all you mentioned was about the upper cast.. and NO there was not much of jadagham said there…ONLY you AND YOUR FAMILY..

      SO yes … Please don’t say your sorry cause you have “hurt” others…but instead say sorry for being just plaindamndumb =).. HAVE FUN CHANGING the future AND DELIBERATING on high-nosed society and why they are .. “in a wa” correct..

      p.s those of a higher cast don’t mention it ;)

  • kokoi naidu

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    inthe tamilan’ne ippiditha ba…….let say if MALAYSIA population majority is indian as same as the malays now…….CAN U GUYS IMAGINE WHAT WILL HAPPEN??. for sure there wil be TAMAN KOUNDER…..TAMAN THEVAR…..TAMAN NAIDU and so on…….and everyday sure will have matha kalavaram……my sincere advise tahat…….try hard to upgrade ur life maximumly……and enjoy ur life rather than giving ur damn….fffff to tiz kind of @$#%^ ppl…..got it yar?? sincerely….KOKOI!

  • Ravin

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    I’m a member of a reasonably high cast apparently originating from lineages of noble warriors and officers of the court but none of that means anything these days, especially not in Malaysia.

    To me, I don’t really care about what anybody else thinks – if the chick is cool with my shyt and I’m cool with her shyt, that’s all that matters. I guess the only problem is – would she still be cool with my shyt knowing that my family might not be cool with her? Would she be happy knowing that I have her back while not being accepted by the other members of my family? If she’s good with that then sure – we’re gonna get down to making some kids ;)

    The only problem I have now is that I’m not cool with a lot of people’s shyt lol… where does one find a cool educated athiest indian chick who speaks english without a heavy accent and doesn’t believe in all that mythological crap? (Belief in UFOs is a positive :D !)

  • Athena

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    I am really intrigued by this subject because I have personally gone through such a situation. I myself was with a guy for a few years. He was from a higher caste and he fought with his parents to get approval. His family did not like the idea of us being together from the beginning and they condemned this act for many years. They would cry and scream at him in the hope that he forgets me and leaves me but all this did was make him get really upset. He was hurt that he was upseting his family and he was not able to leave me. I trusted that he would stay with me until the end and fight however, in the end he decided to leave since he thought it was for the best even though it would hurt both of us, he would be happy that his family is happy. I have been heart broken ever since, he was a guy that I truly loved and I was willing to sacrifice anything for him. Now, I am lost and do not ever want get married to anyone else.
    I lost everything because I am from a lower caste.

    • Athena

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

      I am an educated individual with a university degree and when I myself get treated this way and lose the guy I love because of caste, it just hurts me because we now live in the year 2012 and my parents nor myself have any control over the jobs our ancestors performed to be labeled as that caste. I hope one day this all changes and people do not have to go through the same pain and mental torture I am currently going through.

  • gietha

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

    well.. many people hv different perception about caste n hw it formed and developed.. im nt against s ny1’s believe here.. wat i knoe is caste was introduced by aryan’s 2 break our unity.. when they ruled indian kingdom dey were scared tat if our indians unites v mite noe deir intentions n could chase them out of our kingdom.. so dey separated us into small groups tats so called caste.. there’s no such thing as low o high here.. v were jus divided accordig 2 our jobs.. i tins most of us noe dis.. but specifically bout pariahs.. parai is kind of drum tingy(music instrument).. de 1 people bit when there is “panjayathu”.. de 1 dey play while telling ithenale inthe ooremakkele solle varerethe yennana n bla bla bla.. people who played parai called as paraiyahs..

    its indians nature 2 believe tins without askin y and hw.. especially old generations.. but y v should follow stuffs when v noe its nt right?? ofcourse v need our parents blessings wen v start our new life.. i personally, wont go against my parents bcoz i respect them a loott.. but wen my child bring choose sum1 as her life partner i’l surely she only wede he’s a good guy/guy o nt.. so seriously if v decide v cn change destroy dis caste n all de craps..

  • suchitra

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    Indians are actually discriminating their own race by so called caste. By looking at history, caste has been developed according to the work that people were engaged. If a person is under caste pariah and he/she is working as a doctor, is it right to say that he/she is a pariah in our modern life? Doesn’t sound logic right? This system that has been developed then is not appropriate for our current world life. Does our blood show the caste? Sadly, most of our Indians still practicing caste. If they really concerned about caste, they should not mix with any other caste even other races, shouldn’t eat/drink, buy stuffs from others etc for their living. Do they know from where they got all their daily household things, from which caste? What if a person needs blood transfusion? Do they really check the caste of blood donor? How about organ donor? It would sound insane right? They would accept everything that is needed but when comes for marriage, caste is blocking their eyes?
    What if she’s a pariah? Does that make her an alien, weird or some kind of creature? Marriage is for two hearts to be united as one and not caste to separate them. In this modern world, we need to STOP following some of unnecessary believes for better future. If Indians discriminate their own race, they are actually giving chance and teaching other races to discriminate Indians. We need to respect own Indians before asking others to respect us.

  • gaya3

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    bro,pls write on idiots whom r soo adamant of getin maried 2 d ppl of d same caste.

  • Div93

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    What if she’s a pariah?….well there’s no denying that some of us will come across this pathetic question at some point of our love life,primarily from our family.But then, so what if she’s a pariah?Is she going to chop us into pieces and make a curry out of our own flesh? Or is she going to infect the family with HIV or something? As far as I am aware of, she’s just as human as we all are.Its really SAD to know that the caste system has gone into such extremes that it has the capability to destroy the love life between two souls.My fellow Indian brothers and sisters,how long will it take for our people to know that the caste system is not benefiting but only destroying our Indian race?Furthermore, what rights do we have to split two souls who are deeply in love just because of the lame excuse of caste differences?Such questions will not only show us that the strength of unity between we Indians is brittle and weak, but we are also still surrounded by this stone-age mentality that will further widen the gap between Indians and progress.My dear comrades,or Machans,it is now up to us,the young generation, to alter this sick mentality.Once this DISEASE is eradicated from the minds of our society,only then we can exist as one coherent unit and help each other out as we head towards a successful future for the INDIAN RACE.

  • Jega Nathan

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    Indians are still holding to castes. Parents will create havoc when get to know the girl is from different caste. So is it okay for them if the son marries other races? Nowadays there are so many indian boys hanging around malay and chinese girls. They don’t mind getting other race daughter in law but strictly no other caste ! Shame on those who are still holding on caste !

  • siva

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    It sucks alright.

    Have you heard ” Parayanakku Pattha Than Therium???” Old saying are full of meanings. Think about it. My dad says “Parayannakku Pattha Than Therium – Unnakku Pattalum Theriyathu!”

    Sorry brothers. My dad happens to be right.

  • A-style

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    i believe we all are only humans..we already having races problems to live in malaysia..now among our indians do we realy need this caste issue aswell?
    my beloved brothers and sisters,i knw and truely understand that we cant change our older people mind set…but please we as a new generation dun follow this shit all…now itself we already c many of our brothers,sisters,macha,machis,and kawans marriage and love suffer alot because of this caste issue…do we want our kids have the same issue aswell???

  • Mavles

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    I fall in love with a girl from a lower caste compare to us and the first thing she tell me when i propose to her my love is her caste and family background. As i know her in depth and the much love I have for her, i made my stand and talk with my mom and we decide to hide this from my dad and other relatives.. its couple of years past.. no one except my mom knows about my wife’s caste. My dad use to say many time My wife is a wonderful daughter-in law and am gifted to get her as wife.. We are very happy and my wife are very understanding.. So what caste do my kids follows?

  • Avis

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    Durai we cant change our community overnight but trust me friend we can eventually do it collectively. Well just tell ur parent as far as a Malay and Chinese in malaysia is concern all Indians are PARIAH.

    You know why each Indian take pride in putting down another Indian!!!!

    The greatest sin a human can do in his life is to insult another of his birth that is even despicable than murdering a person. For this we indians are the champions. For that very sin we Indians are being known as a violent and uncultured

x

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